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Men Are From Mars And Women Are From Venus


            
             Have you ever fought with your partner? Practicing a conversation in your head of all the mean things you could say? Susan Page and John Gottman are two couples communication experts who offer some skills that will help you calm down in situations like this one. Another author, John Gray has a different approach when it comes to advice and relationships. He believes Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. He translates what women or Venusians say into what women really think and explains that men or Martians need to go into their "cave." Where they sort things out. .
             Susan Page wrote a book, Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive. In it she makes an excellent about making "I" statements instead of "you" statements. When we make "you" statements, we are pointing the finger or blaming our partners. For example, "you were flirting with that girl in the restaurant while I was gone." versus "I feel hurt that I can't trust you. The "I" statement was less defensive and let the partner know his/her feelings without pointing a finger. She also talks about listening to one another. This is essential for good communication. When you find yourself in a conflict, make "I" statements and take turns talking and listening, don't interrupt the other speaker. When you do answer your partners questions make sure you make yourself clear. It is also important to compliment or validate your partner every now and then. It's a sure way to make them feel good about themselves and you. Men are known as problem solvers and women are known as feeling sharers. Let your partner express themself in this way.
             John Gottman wrote a book with a lot of similar views to Page. In The Two Marriages: His and Hers, Gottman's number one point is when you are in a conflict you must calm down. Call a time-out or whatever will get you away from the situation for twenty minutes. You need to calm down because when we are in a heated argument we tend to think vengeful thoughts or do something destructive.


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