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Love Rollo May


The Victorian nice man or woman was guilty if he or she did experience sex; now we are guilty if we don't." (May, 1969, P.40) May describes as sex having become something mechanized and depersonalized, he feels that there is no joy or caring in sex anymore. He states there are many motives for these depersonalized confused and uncaring sexual preoccupations. First motive is that lovers feel the need to be identical to their partners and disregard the biological and emotional differences between males and females. This disregard results in the loss of personal identity and uniqueness. Second motive is a person's need to feel that they are not alone, the feeling of solitariness. They try to fill a sort of emptiness, "a longing in the other to prove their own feelings are alive" (May, 1969, P.54). Third motive is that there is a need to prove oneself competent. There is an obsession with technique and performance that then causes less sexual enjoyment.
             In all this May finds that there is less sexual enjoyment and no "true passion". He believes people no longer want to make love to their partner because they have healthy lust for them, care for them and communicate with them. "In May's terms, Sex has been separated from Eros" (Monte, 1999, P.594.).
             Eros is the Greek god of love (a progenitor, a creator, and the source of life). The thirst to have a relationship grow. But in order to truly love another, one must be able to face grief, sorrow, disappointment, and loss. That is the strong relationship between death and love. It can take at least three forms. First is a realization and recognition of our own mortality and finding great appreciation in things that give us pleasure. Second, there are many links with love, sex and death in speech and in dreams. An example, in dreams, is when a patient dreams of the death of a person they are in love, or later realize they are in love with. Also to love someone and the experience of orgasm is only possible when you are able to surrender yourself completely like in death.


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