Sometimes this may be okay if a person is in a healthy relationship and it may be worth it if the relationship stays healthy. Erich Fromm, a German-born American psychoanalyst, says "most efforts to love fail unless the person has tried to develop his or her individual potential and personality." Fromm defines love as "the expression of productiveness [which] implies care, respect, responsibility, and knowledge; a striving towards growth and happiness of the loved person, rooted in one's own capacity to love." The first love we experienced came from our parents (Schaeffer 1987). A parent's love unconditionally affirms a child's worth and life, and creates an environment in which the child is happy to be alive and to be with other people (Schaeffer 1987). Love is a key ingredient to living a completely happy life although it is not absolutely necessary for survival. An infant does not need love to survive but it does need attention to activate the nervous system and stimulate growth. .
Stanton Peele, with Archie Brodsky, authors of Love and Addiction define addiction as "an unstable state of being, marked by a compulsion to deny all that you are or have been in favor of some new and ecstatic experience (Schaeffer 1987)." Even though our needs as human beings are legitimate, when they take time and attention away from more important concerns and goals they become addictions. My personal experience backs up this idea. When I was a senior in high school I fell in love with a girl for the first time. My mind was clouded and my eyes were blinded by this new found emotion. Certain areas of my school work and grades degraded dramatically as I could not fully focus on what was important. I finally made the varsity basketball team and only attended practice one time because it took away time from my girlfriend. This was definitely not a healthy relationship for me because my priorities became all scrambled.
