In a blind (and very stupid) rage, I yelled at the coaches, blatantly insulting their authority, needless to say they weren't impressed. To reprimand my "inexcusable" behavior, I was thrown off the team. I had never been kicked off of anything in my life, I just couldn't understand that it was my immaturity and arrogance that kicked me off the team not my coaches. I felt the negativity rushing in, the anger, harshness, over all hostile behavior overwhelming me. The volleyball disaster was about all I could take. I became indifferent towards everything, I lacked in my schoolwork, acted out, not really caring about how this may affect my future, but little did I know that ninth grade would be so hard! When interim reports came out, no one was pleased, my parents, teachers, and even my friends were disappointed in me. Frankly, no one enjoyed my cynical attitude (hard to believe right?), but even I had a sort of "self loathing thing" going on. I realized, actually my parents illustrated, that if I ever wanted to see the light of day again; I would have to improve my grades and attitude. At that point, the changing of my attitude was non-negotiable, but I figured I might as well do something about my horrific grades. I did more of my homework, and put forth some minor effort nothing much, but just enough to get by without severe punishment. Even though my grades had slightly gone up, I didn't make the improvement for myself; I did it to please others, but not in the "good deed" sense. I continued down the path of mediocrity, for a couple months until my self-confidence was obliterated. I had no real motivation, if I continued to have terrible grades, and a pessimistic outlook on everything I wouldn't get anywhere in life. In a desperate attempt to search for the answer, I stepped outside of myself and took a walk around. .
During that jaunt to self-discovery, I noticed some interesting things about myself, and made a few decisions and changes.
