We know its wrong, I"m very aware of what I"m doing to myself, in terms of long term effects, but the self abuse that tears through you after eating is so painful, and it just seems easier to skip this meal or purge that one. Pretty soon its so easy to feel ok, to trick your family and friends into believing your healthy, so much easier then destroying yourself every time you eat. .
As far as the distorted self-perception goes, I"m sure you've heard the story, and yes its true. It seems very redundant to say it again in this paper, because it's practically the ONLY true thing any "normal" person know and can identify with that we struggle with. I am fat. It's so true and so painful and scary, and so real that it can cause this life-threatening disease that takes the life of over 30% of its victims, and destroys many, many more. Most of us have one area we focus on (although we can see it all!), mine , for example, is my belly. I see it as fat. I don't care who tells me it's not. I don't care if my hip bones and spine do stick out. My belly is large and flabby and disgusting. I deal with it by exercising (well, not anymore, not allowed to) and restriction. Oh and complaining, I do that a lot. I have friends in school with EDs too. We sit in the library during lunch and talk about how happy and proud we are that we"re not eating. Weird huh? .
The thing that ANY eating disorder is really about though, no matter if its over eating, binge & purge, restriction or whatever is the emotional compensation that food provides us with. EDs come with an overwhelming amount of guilt, self-hatred, weakness, and loneliness. Power over food, over our intake and weight, can be the only power we feel we have anything over. Its also something else to focus on, besides the guilt & hatred, as well as a way to punish ourselves for being fat, lazy, stupid, dishonest. or whatever other adjective we choose to use.
