Losing a close family member is something that I could never relate too. You try and are sympathetic but you just don't seem to understand the feeling that your friend feels, or the impact that will reside within him for the rest of his life. Losing a father is more than losing an authority figure but very close to the same respects as losing a friend. You have to feel the emotion from that outside and absorb it in pieces and not try initially understand it from the inside for that particular emotion felt can not be understood from someone experiencing it for it is far deeper than you would ever know. You are in the shadow your whole life of someone that you love but feel a deep competition with, then one day that obstacle is gone, have you won? It's just some thing that you will never understand; an unexpected passing is hopefully some thing I never could. We all deal with death in different ways and your emotions I have learned are from your experiences. Individuals may feel different about someone by the way they associated with them while they were alive. I truly don't think that you know what love is until it is gone, for many people they would give anything for a loved one to return and I don't say that lightly. I always ask myself is love that strong of an emotion, and is it that strong that it binds us to certain individuals. I feel very close to my father, but in the same respect want to distance myself. Do these certain aspects decide how my reaction would be upon the loss of a loved one? I initially sat back and thought about how I would feel before interviewing my subjects and my mind continually was drawing blank. I feel very emotionally for them, but find it hard to feel sorry for myself. Their interviews released many certain ideas of how I should feel and how relatives and friends react to this passing. It seems death can be a leeway or an escape for many while for others a wake up call of what is yet to come.
