The night is closing in like something alive, its warm dampness imbuing the house with an oppressive atmosphere that seems somehow threatening to me. I"m sitting at my desk thinking about immortality. A continuous wave of thoughts seems to pass trough my mind and it is impossible to catch even a fragment of it. Time slips away and I"m expecting ideas to turn into words. I often sat as I sit now facing a blank page trying to turn my thoughts into words but now something is stopping me. The mere concept of immortality scares the hell out of me. The simple uttering of the word makes me think of evilness or of selling my soul. I"m aroused by the fact that being immortal is such an unnatural thing of a humble being as myself. Flashes of me seeing the others being withered of life and me standing there indifferent to time cross my mind. I deepen and deepen into my thoughts. Strangely the song of the movie "Highlander" comes into my mind. The feeling floods my body, I"m not seeing myself fighting for my immortality with a sword but oddly I"m imagining myself in another dimension from where I can observe carelessly the destruction and the emptiness of the people around me.
As darkness seeps into me, enveloping me in its folds my utopic dream of a deathless existence pleases me more and more. I can't say now what I wouldn't give of a like lacked of ending, I would probably I"d give my soul for that.
But as I"m not in a movie or a book I don't see Satan coming and tempting me with his irresistible gifts. Frightening or not I don't want to wake up from my dream in which I"m deprived of my human condition of mortality.
Loneliness, estrangement and coldness make my body shiver, I see myself caught in a web of mixed emotions, the pleasure of not dying and the frizzing loneliness.
The sound of my fridge awakes me. This wasn't supposed to be an image of my emotions as an immortal it should be a debate on the topic.
