Deborah Tannen, Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University in Washington, D., has written 19 books and many of them focus on the conversational styles between men and women. One of her theories on the relations between men and women is how men tend to be more literal about words and women listen for metamessages. A metamessage is an implied meaning or a heart meaning. "Because they are more focused on involvement, that is, on relationships among people, and it is through metamessages that relationships among people are established and maintained."(Tannen 128) Tannen explains why women are more attuned to metamessages in her book That's Not What I Meant: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships. Metamessages can be found through silence, body language, listening signals, the use of pronouns or regular conversations. Metamessages, whether good or bad, they are a vital part in how men and women get along.
When you think of a message or metamessage you would assume it was verbal, but that is not always true. A perfect example of sending a non verbal metamessage is through silence or lack of response. For instance, when a woman comes home from work she likes to strike up a conversation usually by asking her husband how his day went. The husband may give an "Okay" or a "Fine." It is when there is a lack of replying with the same question, the wife instantly picks up on the metamessage that he has no interest in how her day was. Because men tend to be less talkative in the home setting, situations like this leave their relationship on an uneasy setting and it leaves the husband wondering why his spouse may seem upset. This is one of the ways a man can send a non verbal metamessage. Another would be through his body language and listening signals.
If body language and listening signals are used the wrong way a woman can pick up metamessages that the man may not imply.
