If I could pick one of my behaviors to change, it would be smoking. Smoking is slowly, but surely, killing me. I began smoking in my teens over 30 years ago when the ills of the habit were just becoming apparent. Lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and bronchitis were recently recognized as the results of smoking. Smoking has been in my life since my childhood. I am the son of two adults who smoked themselves into early graves. Their doctors told them that they would stop smoking before they died. They did when they could no longer get outside the hospital to smoke! I want to change my behavior as soon as possible, so that I do not end my life as a victim of tobacco, dying a slow and painful death.
My smoking behavior follows some very simple patterns that are easy to recognize. The stimulation comes from some very routine behaviors. I smoke when I get into my car in the morning and when I return home in the evening. My triggers are the smell of old cigarettes, the feeling of being alone, and the need for relaxation. Certain places, such as bars and restaurants, also stimulate my urge to smoke. . They may seem to be relaxed environments to most people, but they are not for me. My urge to smoke stems from the anxiety I feel in those surroundings because I tend to feel anxious in public settings.
There are also internal factors that prompt the urge to smoke. I get considerable satisfaction from just handling a cigarette. I do not even have to light up. Just holding a cigarette gives me some sense of security. I am not sure whether it is the security of knowing I have my next cigarette in hand or whether it is a simple crutch that I need, similar to a baby's pacifier. I also smoke when in the presence of others who are smoking. This seems to give me a sense of camaraderie, almost like being in a club. There seems to be this league of smokers who champion the rights of other smokers.
