Sometimes I think to myself what is the importance of me being here on this earth. I sometimes wonder if everything has been predetermined for me then why should I even be doing anything, why do I wake up and go to school, or work, or anywhere. If it has been already set up such that my life is expected to turn out a certain way when i haven't even lived everyday yet what is the point of anything. this thought comes into my head not often but more than i would like for it to. i understand that some things are done to learn from mistakes but what are the point of learning those mistakes. we are not living our lives for ourselves, who or what we are living it for we just don't know. When I sometimes think about this I stand still. No matter where i am. i look around me and i try to figure out what all of this actually is. is it a dream that we simply never wake up from or is it actual reality. there has been times where i have completed lost it trying to figure out what all of this exactly is. i freeze. i don't know what to do and i don't know what to say. i look around and i think to myself if this is life what's expected of me. why was i put her. what am i supposed to accomplish that no one else will be able to. i think about this so much that i sometimes let go and i don't care about anything, i don't care to go to school i sometimes don't even care to go to work. no one can answer my question. but maybe there is no answer maybe all of this is nothing. It just is what I see, it just is what it is. Why should I kill myself trying to figure out. but then again that is just the way I am. imagine not being able to answer something, and having it eat at you constantly everyday of your life until when? You don't even know when. why care though. Why even worry about it. Just live your life and don't worry about anything. let whatever is going to happen, happen. That is what I tell myself. But it s not me that I am worried about, it is my family.
