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Pyschology - 5 stages of death

To see him lying down in the hospital completely defenseless of what he was going through just about tore me apart and I wanted to give him my strength so bad and not let him suffer.
             Bargaining wasn't a big stage for me in my grandfather's death. I remember thinking about how I still have my grandmother and how close she was to my heart. I was very fortunate to have a grandmother who loved me instead of nothing at all. I remember going through the whole process of having a picture of him in our family den and always talking to him as if he was there. I think that was a big part of my whole bargaining stage of his death. But even though he was gone and I knew he was gone for good, I would always keep him in my heart as long as I could. The memories we had I started to think about and telling myself that "at least" I had those memories. At least I had a grandfather. At least I have a grandmother. I started to almost torment myself to think that I was okay with his death and his passing away during my life. Although it hurt me tremendously, I would try and show any pain.
             My next step in the death of my grandfather was depression. I felt like our entire family was coming to a close because he was the leader. My grandfather was the man who organized family gatherings and trips the family went on. My grandfather was what we liked to call each other "best buddies" and it was hurting me to hear those words come out of his mouth for the last time. It brings tears to my eyes to only hear those words repeated in my head from when he passed away. He was a great man and I didn't want to lose him. I kept thinking about all the times we played baseball together and went fishing on his boat. I just couldn't stop thinking about the great times we had. Depression hit me really bad, as he got more and more sick. He had reached a point where he couldn't talk as much and had tubes running through his nose and veins.


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