Thus, they all have a different means of resiliency. Resiliency is one's ability to "bounce back" in time of crisis and stress. John uses several types of resiliencies in order to cope with his life (Wolin & Wolin, 1993). He tends to use initiative in which he begins to take charge of his problems and tests himself in his tasks, and asserts independence when he draws boundaries between himself and others as a way of keeping a comfortable emotional and physical distance from the people that create his stress. Examples of John exerting initiative occurred when he wanted to confront the fact of why he could not keep a steady relationship. He figured the problem stemmed from the way he and his mother interacted, so he made the effort to go back to his mother's house and do an "experiment" to test himself as well as his mother. Another example of his initiative occurred when he sought the reason behind his unhappiness, instead of simply accepting it and moving on to the next doomed relationship. John showed signs of independence because he seemed to keep a fair distance between every member of his family. Although, he saw his brother every once in awhile because he lived in the same area, he kept his emotional walls up so he did not have to relate to him. John kept both physical and emotional boundaries with his mother. This was evident in the fact that each time that he called her, she thought he was Jeff. Even when John came to stay with her, she was not excited to see him like a mother should. This showed that these boundaries had been present for quite some time. Jeff, on the other hand, used his relationship with his mother as a means of resiliency. He was unable to function without talking to his mother several times a day. He was very needy in this respect. Instead of going to his wife or a counselor when something went wrong, Jeff went to his mother although she lived four hours away.
