In the essay, "Sex, Lies, and Communication," Deborah Tannen asserts that men and women have communication differences. She begins by pointing out that men and women talk differently in public situations than at home; while men talk more in public situations, women talk more at home. She believes this difference in communication causes many marriages to struggle. Tannen also identifies differences in the social structures of children as a major contributing factor to differences in communication, making it similar to cross-cultural communication. The author claims that women regard talk as the "cornerstone of friendship" (103), while men rely more on sharing experiences than conversation. Because of these differences, Tannen says, the expectations of communication in marriage differ between the sexes. She also links physical positions as a major difference in the way men and women communicate with each other. Tannen found that women face each other and maintain eye contact when talking, while men sit at angles and only glance at each other periodically. Beyond just the physical positions, Tannen's own research shows that topical alignment of the sexes differs greatly; she found that males tended to jump around in conversations, hitting many topics and not staying long on any of them, while women tended to stay on one subject and discuss it at length. Tannen points out that men and women also have differences when it comes to listening and responding to problems. She states that men listen silently, and often offer different point of views or assure each other that their problems aren't so bad; on the other hand, women offer understanding and support as a listener, and express agreement or shared experiences to identify with the speaker. Tannen concludes by theorizing that communication between men and women should be treated as cross-cultural communication. She maintains that understanding and accepting the differences between the sexes will help to bridge the communicational gap and allows us to "forge solutions without blaming" (Tannen 101-106).
