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On Being Myself


            Once upon a time, a girl was born and she was the youngest in her family. Some wanted her name to be 'Siti Ramadhan' and some wanted her name to be 'Aisyah'. Well, the girl was grateful enough that her name 'Nur Aisyah' and not 'Siti Ramadhan'. After six years living in this world, her father died and she witnessed her mighty father collapsed before her eyes. They were on their way back home from her father's village when her father started to feel 'sick'. She still remember when her father told the mother "Take over the car when I start to tell you that I'm having headache," while the truth was she's the only one who heard it. After hours of drive, her father told them that he was having headache so he drove to nearby oil station and after half an hour, her father started the car and continued.
             A few minutes passed, her father told them that he was in pain so he pulled over the car by the road and paralyzed. Her mother pulled the hand-break to stop the car. Then, they tried to seek help from the road user but no one even cared to look back, curious or stopped their car and help. Her mother took over the car with her father sat on the passenger seat.
             "Father, are you hurt?" She asked her father. Her father pointed his finger at his stomach and started to cry. The girl understood that her father was in pain but she couldn't cry. Her brother beside her started to cry and taught the father how to recite 'kalimah syahadah'.
             The mother sent both Aisyah and brother to home while she stayed at the hospital taking care of their father. The next day, their oldest sister arrived from Ipoh and then she drove them to Queen Elizabeth Hospital. At 11 a.m, her father died and left the world for the better place. She heard a lot of crying and screaming. She saw a lot of staring blankly and tears. No matter how she tried, she couldn't cry. Until this moment, she kept asking herself 'why'.


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