The Dilemma of the Golden Child and Scapegoat.
It is very difficult for a child with a narcissistic parent to function very well in life. The children of narcissists have an especially pronounced dilemma; they lack the proper coping mechanisms and quite often the necessary resources to deal with their narcissistic parent(s). Often being involuntarily assigned the role of a Golden Child or Scapegoat, a child with a narcissistic parent is at a marked disadvantage from birth. In most instances, to rub salt into the pre-existing wound, they are denied the thing that most children should be recipients of at that birth, a parent's unconditional love ("Narcissism ", n.d.). .
Narcissistic parent(s) have strong tendencies to be stifling in certain areas, and completely neglectful in others, which reinforces the inconsistencies that their children suffer in most every other area of their lives. Often a narcissistic parent will seem to be a loving and considerate parent to witnesses outside the immediate family, however, it is a known fact that they usually maintain this fazade in an effort to hide their true self and further their personal control over their own children's lives. The child is seen, for all intents and purposes, to be an extension of the narcissistic parent, not an individual. The children are made to suffer grievous punishment if they do not adhere to the selfish wishes and desires of the said parent. This punishment will include one to many of the following: blame, guilt, emotional neglect, cruel and harsh personal criticism, angry shouting matches (narcissistic rages), or even repeated physical abuse (McBride, 2009). No matter what form the abuse takes, it is a means to an end for one purpose only. This is to ensure the child complies with the narcissistic need expressed by the parent. .
The children are not afforded personal respect and consideration, as they are not viewed by the narcissist to have an identity of their own.
