I will not go in to every detail of the story because it is quite complicated and I don't think I'm able to explain everything as well. Let's just say that I was depressed, had an eating disorder, was self-harming and suicidal thoughts. Nothing strange about that, just normal teenage stuff. I was obsessed about being thin and how much I tried I couldn't let that thought go away. Calories and weight was all I could think off, I kept journals and weighted myself up to 15 times every day. Still nothing happened. And desperate times call for desperate measurements as I began to starve myself in order to achieve my image of perfection. .
After a while my body couldn't take it anymore and I started to binge, got huge anxiety and threw up. I never told anyone about this though because I thought that no one would believe me. A girl like me can't have an eating disorder. I didn't look sick neither did I act like I was, but still there was this voice in my head constantly nagging, tearing me apart and making me go absolutely insane. There was also this part of me that didn't want to tell anyone because I wanted to be sick, the thought of losing weight was so strong that I was willing to risk my health for it. It didn't matter how much I tried to talk myself out of it I knew that if you starve yourself you will lose weight, it as fact that everyone knows. I became very isolated because of this and didn't felt like going to school. Bad decision. My classmates saw me as lazy, my parents got mad at me and the teachers were just confused.
Somehow in all of this mess I got into the world of meditation and it might have been the best thing I've ever done. I started experience things that I never thought was even possible and a whole new world opened up for me. Because it is something special about losing yourself within yourself, having a clear mind and just being in the moment. I went into some very deep meditative states where I felt my whole body floating above my physical body, also known as astral projection.
