I never want to go through that pain again. When you lose someone, you learn to love flashbacks of the best memories you had with that person and let the memories circulate through your brain. You think about if you could have done more for the person, if you could have done anything to make the relationship better, and if you could have made an impact on the person. In reality, nothing can be changed. We desperately wish we could go back in time to do certain things over but thats not the case. I also found it hard to shake the guilt I was feeling from an argument that occurred between my grandma and myself when I was twelve years old. Even though the argument was such a long time ago, it feels like that one negative experience trumps all the positive memories that were encountered. During my senior year in high school, I was so focused on getting good grades and performing even better on the football field. All while I knew there would be something that would cause me to lose focus and track of my goals for the year. My grandma for the past couple of years had been very ill and would always lie about how she felt but we all knew the truth. We would see her about every two weeks and her physical appearance would change every time. Her weight dropped, her hair was starting to thin, and her overall hygiene was in decline. Her walking then began to transform more into a hobble, because it seems as if her arthritis got worse with the cancer. My grandmas life as a diabetic was not the life meant for her; she loved sweets, fried foods, and Pepsi. Right before football season started, my grandma passed away. My grandmas life, unfortunately ended way too soon. The first week of summer training also known as 'Hell Week', I was just getting done with practice. I unexpectedly got a text saying that she was in a critical condition. .
Before I even arrived at the hospital, I knew she was much worse then I expected.
