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Fatherhood


             Fatherhood.
             When I was a small boy I wanted to be exactly like my father. My father taught me I could do the impossible. He was a single parent, who worked long hours every day as an auto mechanic in the sweltering Arizona heat. Every minute of his free time was gladly spent with me. I would watch his every move down to the last detail and hang off his every word. He was like a wizard. He knew everything, he was able to take useless scrap metal and transform that useless scrap metal into perfect synchronized power. He was able to make me feel brighter than the farthest star, safer and more secure than the deepest treasure.
             My father re-married and was taken away from me. So again I watched his every move down to the last detail and hung off his every word. This time I wasn't watching in amazement or delight. I was confused. I was trying to understand what I did for my father not to love me anymore? I became very critical of my father finding fault in everything he did. Slowly I became critical and judgmental of everyone, including my self. I began to fight with anyone who would fight back and run from the people who loved me. The physical pain was much easier to bear than the emotional pain. As I grew I began to wonder who am I and what is life all about.
             One day while bathing in my anger and hostility I looked down at my newborn son who was soundly sleeping in my arms. My son had returned my father to me. My son was so small and so fragile, but possessed a incredible indescribable power in hid small body. MY son reunited my father and I after five years of not seeing or speaking to each other. The confusion, anger and pain that had been festering in side me had been removed. My son showed me who I am. My son knows no anger he knows no pain or disappointment. I am my sons" student. I am my sons" teacher. I am my sons" wizard. Every day I try to add to my bag of tricks.


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