The need for change in certain situations is undeniable, and these situations are usually those in which ones ideal outcome is not achieved. Change is the most difficult action a person can perform, the psychopathology of the average supports such a claim. Reactivity and change go hand in hand. Reactivity is the behaviors one exhibits in these high stress conditions, and to change is to alter ones reactivity.
The idea of overfunctioning and underfunctioning coincide with reactivity in the sense that, reactivity occurs much like a role-play, everyone has their typical reactions to circumstances which are predictable to those they relate to on a usual basis. Another way to look at overfunctioning and underfunctioning is like a puzzle. If one person acts a certain way, the other acts the converse creating a false balance when put together. A prime example of such is: child A is overly involved in school work, anything less than an A- is equivalent in their eyes to an F, as a result child B is an underfuctioner achieving a C, to them, is equivalent to an A, or the best they can do. Lerner related these roles to many variables one of which may be birth order or observation of primary relationships such as parental roles. .
Lerner does an excellent job at covering an intense topic in an understandable fashion, making change seem easily accomplished and giving those who read her book the empowerment to create the necessary change to enhance their personal relationships.
Use as a Counselor.
The Dance of Intimacy would be very beneficial to use as a counselor in many ways. Dr. Harriet Lerner is a therapist herself; therefore I have taken the information she has provided throughout the book in a profession and constructive manner. While reading the stories her clients come in with, I stop and think about how I would resolve or aid the situation before she goes on to reveal how she dealt with it, a personal challenge I have given myself knowing in the future I will be incurring the same hurdles.
