In the next selections it can be seen that those contradictions causing Willis to a decision unwanted. Willis's peaceful mind is telling whether she is ready to pick up a gun or not: "I did look forward to ever having to demonstrate that particular ability [using a 'piece']. In fact, I now recognized that I was scared to death of guns, preferring peace much more than a piece." At the same time, the general psyche of the times around her lead her to argue: "Wasn't it time to stand up? Wasn't it time to stop pleading for justice and take up a gun and demand it?" (676). Seems that her physical "self" of an African American female is ebbing her towards the Black Panthers while the peaceful "self" repeats: "It was not my nature to fight back; I sought the more peaceful path" (675) and is calling her to Nepal to follow Buddha. Even after making the decision Willis does not seem to give herself a break:" Though I thought it seemed awfully cowardly on my part." (676), she scolds herself for picking one over the other. .
There are instances however that shows she is not as passive as she might appear at first. Willis remarks at: "I was uneasy in the public environment" (678). This shows that again that she does not like to be on the spotlight from childhood. Yet, Her 'self' has a defensive side to it also:" .I did not want to have to be a doormat in the background" (676). The selection: ".there had been recent rumblings about his abusive tactics with female Panther party members" (676) also supports that character trait. .
She can be rush with her decisions when acting on an emotion. For example she was quick to conclude on severing ties with Ron and Randy out of fury, or when she was quick to decline The Great Seal Retreat. She is driven by immediate fear: "One part of me was flattered. The other part of me was scared. Immediately I thought, "Right. Does he really think that I would actually sample anything so lofty as the practices that had ensured these men enlightment? .