The sense of self is shaped by many factors around a person. From childhood to adulthood personality develops and changes according to the surroundings. When Willis was growing up America faced a dilemma within its borders. After living her life in a fearful environment of the Ku Klux Klan she was thrown with the movement into a rebellion of the Black Panthers. In troubled times not physical appearance, but actions and opinions define a person and thus define "self". And so Willis's conscience is put to the test. Lama Yeshe's words; "Be gentle with yourself, with your mind and body. If you are gentle with yourself, than you can be truly gentle with others" (689) offers her a solution on how to deal with her mental unrest. Drawing from the memoir it can be concluded that Lama Yeshi recognized the ever-present strife between two courses of action that Willis constantly faces. In his words he is telling her to stop pushing herself to the emotional and physical limits. Understanding your own limitations and giving yourself time to broaden that boundary is being gentle to yourself. If people are honest to themselves with their decisions, then they don't have to expect great sacrifices and exert great expectations on others, and thus can be tolerant and "gentle" with everyone. .
Willis's self is a very contradicting persona. She understands that, and always explains it as a fact of her being Pieces, a zodiac sign that represents indecision. For example, there is a contradicting part about how she feels about being on public. Later in life, on one hand, she says being unseen was always the way to exist for her:" I had always been a good girl, eager to please. I had always shunned the limelight, knowing since early childhood that conspicuousness brings with it danger" (676). On the other hand she says she liked being the center of attention: "I marched into the lecture hall proudly sporting my tall Afro" (675).