The goal of my life is to make this family work- (Berman 83). Sometimes parents who come from broken homes develop a sort of non-trusting behavior. The behavior then rolls over into their marriages and strains the bond between husbands and wives. Frank Sanders and his wife Cora have this problem within their marriage. Frank says that he feels like an onlooker in the lives of his children Delsie, seven, and Frank Jr., five (Berman 84). Most parents want their children to feel secure within the family and be able to speak their minds. However, when a parent crosses the line and says, "Everything I do in my life is for my children- it's probably because they haven't yet recovered from their own trauma of their parents' divorce. Their behavior then becomes a burden not only to their spouse but also to the children. These parents try to do everything for the children, and they forget to take care of themselves.
Parents' actions and reactions to their divorce do affect their children no matter how subtle the parents may think they are. This is because many parents don't know how to manage conflict very well. Some parents remember when as children, if they had a disagreement, the easy thing to do was choose sides. Parents unknowingly, or rather subconsciously, then bring this approach to the divorce table when looking for someone to take their side. Sometimes when they cannot find an adult who will "side- with them, they will look toward the children. They know their children would not betray them. All one of the parents has to do is to convince the children that the other parent is wrong. However, what happens is that the child only becomes more confused. Children do not know how to process this confusing information very well, so rather than talk about it, it stays bottled up inside the child. Even as adults, it is very hard to understand divorce.
What can parents do to help themselves through their divorce? One thing is to leave the past in the past.