This notion would contradict what we have been led to believe by our friends and families who have experienced divorce. What do the children really feel about their parents' divorce? How do parental actions affect our children during divorce? What are the long-term ramifications that divorce will have on the children? What do the experts in the field have to offer us to help the entire family cope with the trauma of divorce? Finally, is there a solution that parents should be required to know about to provide instruction to them about divorce? All of these questions need to be answered, or at a minimum, raised to parents considering divorce. After the divorce has taken place it is too late for the kind of help the experts recommend. "Parents need education at the time of the divorce and help in implementing decisions over many years and modifying them as the children grow and the family changes- (Wallerstein 3).
The most important thing that children need is both parents' love (Sunshine 90). Parents no doubt realize love on an individual basis but collectively love is where the divorce relationship needs help. I heard in a seminar that I attended a few years ago, that divorce is worse than death because at least in a death there is closure. In a divorce when children are involved, separation takes place, but the individuals still need to remain in contact with one another. Often the conflicts that accompany a divorce leave parents angry with the other partner and the contact becomes difficult. As a result, children can be caught in the crossfire and face dilemmas that they don't need to (Dreher 11). Parents make many mistakes when raising children as it is. When parents raise children in a divorce, the problems seem to be compounded. Parents who themselves come from divorced families seem to make the most common mistakes: "I will not do to my kids what was done to me.