Over the 20 year span of my life, there have been times I've looked back on particular situations I struggled with and instantly get an understanding of what I should have done or a realization of what was really going on. Most of them have been small things that alone are trivial, but the combination of many led me to powerful awakening. Only this year can I truly say all the pieces seemed to fit, but about a year ago I came to find that all the things I thought were pertinent to a happy life, were superficial and completely unrelated to who I am as a person. Today I appreciate the little things in daily life and am blessed to have many friends I never would have talked to years ago.
I was born in Beverly Hills California and raised mostly in an affluent area of Dallas called Highland Park. This was a setting that gave me almost no chance of seeing that everyone else was not like me. I come from a loving grounded family who always strived to instill in me the beliefs that no one is better than anyone else and that my life was not the norm. Still, everyone else around me was like me and nobody showed any appreciation for what they had and had little or no room for those who fell short of "perfect." I never tried to be popular so I couldn't understand people who obviously tried so hard. Starting in middle school I became a completely self-absorbed, egotistical bitch. I was nice to people outside my group of friends but I don't think it was with any sincere kindness. I was a bitch to my family, especially my two years younger sister. She wasn't like me. She hated Highland Park, thought everyone was snobby and continually criticized her and always tried to tell what she needed to do to be like me. After all, I was happy right? I couldn't have been truly happy with myself because everything I was doing was self-destructive. Looking back, how could I have loved myself, I didn't even know myself.