The sun is about to surrender to the darkness of the ocean as I stand here watching the waves slowly caress the seashore.
With my eyes glued to the view I've been standing here for hours feeling at one with the ocean and all that surrounds it.
And for the first time in months I"m allowing myself to recognize the feelings that are coming to me.
I no longer wipe away the wet signs of sadness as they leave my eyes, like rivers of emotion I let them run down my face.
Though it's been almost a year since they carried you out of the water, cold and frozen from days amongst the waves, it's only been a day since I got your message.
In a bottle sealed with a cork, on your finest paper, you left me your final words of love.
And as I stand here with the paper in my hand, wet from my tears I can't help myself from picturing you holding the bottle in your hand before you throw it into the water.
Did you look back before you followed it into the waves?.
Did you picture my face as you jumped?.
Were your last thoughts alive about my hurtful ways?.
I've lived with the uncertainty of your fate since the day I saw you laying lifeless on the beach, though I knew it was a possibility I never let myself believe that you had wanted it that way.
But now I know, and the restless nights of wondering and worrying are over.
The certainty of your fate leaves me calm and I know what I want to do.
I no longer feel the coolness of the autumn wind as it blows through my hair; to me it's your gentle touch as you caress it. .
And the drops of water that once felt so cold and unfriendly as they reached up to me, feels now like your caring kisses.
So forgive me for driving you away, and welcome me as I follow the sun and surrender to the darkness of the ocean in this my final step.