Amber's A Work in Progress is just what it says, however it is not do to Amber's writing style or even her story line. I feel that the stories failure has more to do with its content. I usually mark a paper up as I"m reading it but there was very few of the mistakes that I look for. In the first paragraph, and I did not like this sentence in her rough draft, "Sometimes it would have pink or blue or green carpeting". This is a small relatively unimportant sentence but if it had a touch of sarcasm in it along with a bolder structure it create a powerful image. I know this because of the effect it had on me when she talked about it in class. I am not the strongest writer but I understand the use of imagery, and I cannot stress the importance enough. Maybe because I am a visual person, when I read, I watch what I am reading in my mind, and if a text does do that for me I will not read it. .
In third paragraph, after the first few sentences she starts trailing off into a comparative and contrast essay. It is cute and I am being critical, but the fact is this is where Amber gets out of the water and just starts skipping rocks. As a reader I can see how the lifestyle of her parents influenced her, how her differences caused her to picked at by hungry little children causing her to rely more on herself for support. And finally after puberty she filled into a nice looking lady, whose looks being admired by such people as the "starting catcher" won her popularity. Which kept her from being spiteful. She has been on both sides of the river, but the part of the essay that really tells us who Amber is, is how she felt towards her abusers. She does seem vengeful; she even speaks of compassion, and then ends her paper by saying how important it is to be able to eat alone. So we have Amber grown up no longer dwelling on were she is at and who likes her, now that she has friends she understands how to get by with out.