Wuthering Heights For Sleeples

            Wuthering Heights For Sleepless Nights.
             If ever you find yourself suddenly plagued by fits of Insomnia, may I most humbly recommend an all-natural treatment that is sure to clear up the worst cases of sleeplessness and help you ace your AP English Exam all in one blow. The miracle cure that I am referring to is Emily Bronte's classic novel, Wuthering Heights.
             This book should come with a money back guarantee that within the first three chapters you will become uncontrollably drowsy and begin to lose focus. Within minutes, you will be deep into the most restful sleep that you have ever experienced in your life. While initially this cure may cause intense boredom, the only true side effects will be possible snoring and or drooling.
             To fully understand Ms. Bronte's formula for a good night's rest let us analyze the formula of her book which makes it totally uninteresting and difficult to follow. First, Bronte gives us paragraphs of tedious descriptions that have absolutely nothing to do with the plot of the story. We meet extraneous, dull characters that seem unable to speak in intelligible English. Perhaps, if one did not need an appendix to follow the dialogue, the conversations of the characters would just a little bit more colorful and engaging; but instead of its desired effect, all that flipping from the main text to the explanation of it burns calories which induces a lack of energy and an almost instant desire to rest your eyes for the rest of your natural born life.
             However, the real beauty of Wuthering Heights and its sleeping-aid potency lies somewhere beyond those first three chapters. The truly tiring thing about the book is the fact that after the logical end of the book, the same story is retold with variations so slight, that no one with normal brain waves can withstand the overwhelming desire to give your conscious a much needed break and indulge in a little R.