J's birth brought many changes to our lives. Within seconds of his birth, the doctors and nurses discovered he had a heart defect, Super ventricular Tachacardia, with not one but two Ventricular Skeptical Defects. All this news brought shock, fear, and guilt. I felt guilty, because I had been told that I had had Un-diagnoses Gestational Diabetes during pregnancy, which caused Jes heart defects. During the first three weeks of his life, which were spent in hospital, a lot of my priorities changed. Nothing mattered more at that point than to bring him home. I found hospital difficult. .
I drove the forty-five mile trip to the hospital every day, staying with J till it was time for me to leave and return home for the evening. Still getting over the physical weakness of childbirth, I could not bring myself to drive home at night. Family members took turns driving me home. I would have given my life for J to be safe and well. I knew my son was in good hands with the staff at the NIC Unit, but it was still difficult and a challenging for me to stand back and allow others to assume control of his well being. .
The many different emotions I felt, at times, were more than I felt I could handle. Tear soaked pillows, from fear, guilt and an eerie emptiness. I prayed and pleaded with God to heal him, I was an emotional shell. At night I would rub the photo I had of him. My heart ached - he looks so perfect. Why him - why us? More guilt. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. .
J finally came home, nothing short of a miracle, even the pediatric cardiologist said there was not medical answer for J's improved condition. The only reply he gave, was the prayers that were sent out for J had been answered.
I took J. for his quartely check up; he was eighteen months old at the time. Tests showed he had another heart problem, Ventricular Tachycardia. We were then sent to a specialist in pediatric cardiology, three hours away in Charleston, South Carolina.