He even asked his wife to help him. "Apart would make me out. Give me my chance (Line 61)." He wants to be able to understand her and maybe even share some feelings of his own since his child's death, he has had a very difficult time dealing with and communicating with his wife. He is having problems comprehending his wife's actions as well as having a lack in vocabulary to explain to his wife how he feels.
On the other hand, Amy cannot begin to fathom the idea that her husband may not be the person she thought that she had married. Her view is distorted by an innate inability to empathize with any "other," particularly a male (Line 38). She is unbalanced by grief, but one may suspect that her lack of understanding of her husband is a pre- existing condition, a condition which has already motivated a breakdown in marital understanding. The child's death then is simply a trigger for a stronger reaction than any previous ones. She seems very young, with a lack of insight peculiar to the immature. This view of the matter leaves room for hope that the relationship may eventually stabilize and result in some practical unity.
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Grief must be shared between husband and wife if a marriage is to remain strong. Amy's reasoning is based on her own grief distorted imagining and the manner in which she perceives her husband's actions in" digging the grave and his conversation in the kitchen about everyday matters". She takes issue with his having dug the grave himself and with the vigorous manner in which he did it. What she was unable to understand is the concept that digging the grave himself is both the only thing he can do for his dead child and his only means of release.
If anyone doubts that men and women react differently to crisis, the actions of Amy and her husband certainly oppose those doubts. Amy's grief is totally internalized except for the anger, which she turns on to her husband. The husband's grief is also internalized except that he dissipates it through physical work and inconsequential conversion.