Children and Divorce

A. and J. Skolnick offer the possibility that living with the opposite sex is more difficult than with the same sex and because the custodial parent is often the mother, boys are exposed to this situation more often. Another perspective is that girls are likely to be just as troubled by divorce as boys are, but demonstrate their feelings in a manner that is more appropriate to their sex role, namely by being anxious, withdrawn or very well behaved, (Kaslow and Schwartz p. 164). .
             In examining the data on the factor of age influencing a child's adjustment to divorce, it seems that older and younger children at the time of separation experience different short term effects, but share commonalities in the long term effects. Preschool children with their egocentric forms of reasoning, blame themselves for a parent leaving and take it as a personal rejection. This can be associated with a child's disturbed eating, sleeping, play and toileting, (Wallerstein & Blakeslee). School age children suffer from loyalty conflicts and fantasize about their parents getting back together. This is associated with the decline in academic performance or psychosomatic symptoms. Participating in outside activities help to get away from the tensions at home, (A & J Skolnick p. 355). .
             When a marriage breaks down, men and women alike often experience a diminished capacity to parent. They give less time, provide less discipline and are less sensitive to their children, since they themselves are caught up in its aftermath, Wallerstein p.21). According to the Skolnick's, mothers become more coercive and fathers become more lax and indulgent. They make less demands for mature behaviors and communicate less effectively and provide less affection. As a result children may become less compliant and parent child relationships can be associated with behavior problems in the children. In a study done by Judith Wallerstein, she tracked 131 children of divorced parents 10 and 15 years after the divorce, she found that diminished parenting continued permanently, disrupting the child-rearing functions of the family.