Decisions

            Our life is based on our decisions, but do we always make the right one? Some decisions can be as simple as picking out a shirt; others can mark our life forever. Not so long ago, I believe, I made one of the decisions that has marked my life. My first true love and I broke up. I feel as if I will never cease loving him or love another person again. I cry every night and when I stop, I think of other great moments to start crying again. I don't want to stop crying, I don't want all this love to become less, just greater. Perhaps, if I had chosen to try again, I would not be sad all the time; I would not have to lie to my friends that everything is "OK-; and I would not have to contribute to the world one more hypocrite that smiles to everyone, but is rotting inside. Sometimes, I question myself, "How did it all end up like this? Wasn't love supposed to overcome everything?-, but then again, is it all a matter of timing, of friendships, of trust, of communication, of pride and of will? Perhaps, in my case, it wasn't the right timing to meet him; perhaps, we did not build enough trust and communication; perhaps, we were not surrounded by a sufficient harmonizing group of friends; or simply there was not enough will and only exceeding pride. Nevertheless, I know I am the solemn authority over my decisions, which makes me alter what I said before. One of the decisions that marked my life mostly was not ending this relationship, but meeting this person and deciding to love him. If I had never had him in my life, I would surely be less mature, for he was continuously advising me. I know it in my heart that he has always wanted me to become a better person in all aspects: in academics, in sports, in my family and in love issues. Without him, I would still live in my "bubble- believing that everyone is a good person, for he always pointed me out when I was being too nave. Without him, I would have no idea what loving someone else more than loving yourself is; and without him, I would have never been able to write any love poems coming from a smitten heart.