Madman

            
             There come moments, when the world seems to be unbeareble with all its growing roughness and ill-natured consuming passion. When everybody and everything around demands something from you - now ,immediately, at once. When the chaos of modern life stresses you, causes constant headache. Not the usual headache - the one, when you can't define where exactly it aches. Like a separate cosmos, filled with a substance of disasters, it blows up, quakes or floods. And then ,when after a dozen of "magical" pills you hope that you are saved, at least for a couple of hours, - new horror appears. Thoughts. Numerous thoughts, dialogues, questions run through your head ,resembling butterflies, flying vigorously around the light bulb. The light magnetizes them, keeps them in a constant movement, in a nervous dance - their mortal dance sometimes. The light is your consciousness. It always works. Analyzes events , plans, people, phrases, which circulate in your head. They"re so real, that you can almost touch them, hear them, answer them. And you do. The battle of words can be feverish, endless - that's when you loose control. You give up all attempts to remain a master of your own self. Lying motionlessly on a bed and staring blankly into the ceiling , you"re subdued by a freaky game of exact antithesises. Panic terrorizes you , when a thought strikes: the person here is not you already, but a society-made zombie. And a total calmness lulls , whispering coldly in your ear, that it's inevitable, hopeless to be changed.You"re nobody and everybody at the same time. This new form of being relaxes. Silence and void - the only two states you are aware of. And suddenly you've ceased to realize anything at all. You are asleep. You've escaped.