This happiness was present in both girls, "Their meeting was fortunate for it let them use each other to grow on"(49). Unfortunately, as she left Medallion only one time, Nel would discover and enjoy this "me-ness" only one time. .
With her marriage to Jude, Nel abandons any dreams of "me-ness". She is chosen as Jude's wife, a sign of ownership or possession; she does not choose to be Jude's wife. Nel hopes that Jude's dreams "of being taken (for a job on the road crew). Not just for the good money, more for the work itself"(81) and that "he wanted someone to care about his hurt"(82) will become hers, "She seemed receptive, but hardly anxious"(82). However, by trying to accommodate and understand Jude's desires and hurt, she must compromise her own dreams of individualism. Therefore, Nel is forced, although she never openly objects, into the role of a housewife. Against all of her dreams, she has become the dreaded role of her mother, a traditional black housewife contented by children, her husband, and whatever the townsfolk deemed proper and acceptable. This transformation into her mother exemplifies Nel's loss of individuality. In fact, Nel's independence dissolves to the extent that she cannot recognize herself, "She didn't even know she had a neck until Jude remarked on it, or that her smile was anything but the spreading of her lips"(84). Even Toni Morrison admits that Nel has lost her "me-ness", "The two of them together would make one Jude"(83). .
When Jude leaves, after his betrayal with Sula, Nel suffers emotional torment and further problems from her failure to achieve "me-ness". It is at this juncture in the work that Toni Morrison employs a unique image to represent Nel's dream:.
The mud shifted, the leaves stirred, the smell of overripe green things enveloped her and announced the beginnings of her very own howl.
The odor evaporated; the leaves were still, the mud settled. And finally there was nothing, just a flake of something dry and nasty in her throat.