Book review of why marriages succeed or fail by john gottman

            Within the book, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, Dr. John Gottman talks about relationships, how one can understand conflict and be able to get through it and strengthen ones marriage. What Dr. Gottman has done with many years of researching conflict within marriages is come up with a series of tests that can help couples work through problems; and also gives them the ability to evaluate their marriage and pinpoint areas that could lead to divorce. Through researching many couples by watching them argue, interact and their verbal and nonverbal cues Gottman was able to understand and accurately predict whether or not a marriage will succeed or fail. Gottman found that couples basically want two things, love and respect. The one thing that can deter a divorce is a couple's ability to resolve conflicts since they are inevitable. This he states, the ability to resolve conflicts to the mutual satisfaction of both people, is the essence on whether or not a marriage will succeed or fail. .
             Gottman gathered research by looking at many married couples. He would have their arguments recorded on tapes while they were at home or have them discuss conflicts in front of him. Gottman was able to use questionnaires and phone calls to learn about the status of the couples he researched years ago. Gottman used other techniques such as using a lie detector test, chairs which measure how much the couples wiggle while they are discussing the conflict and other equipment that can record physical and physiological information. Gottman even used microphones to makes sure he could hear every sound each couple made. Gottman would find out from previous sessions what problems a couple would be having and have them talk about that to see their true feelings. .
             From his research Gottman found three main styles of marital problem solving: validating, avoiding and volatile. The first style of validation occurs when couples in conflict take the time to let their partners know that they consider their emotions and opinions valid even if they do not agree with them.