Type a new keyword(s) and press Enter to search

History of a New Island

 

            
             During the old and mysterious times of the Old Testament, there was a man named Abraham. Now Father Abraham had many sons, and many sons had Father Abraham. I am one of them, and so are you. But there was one son that nobody but Abraham, the son, and JuJu the duck knew of.
             One night, Abraham was bartending at the Water (wine) Pub. Jesus took the night off and there was only a limited amount of wine. Luckily the night was slow and only JuJu, the sexiest duck this side of the Euphrates, came into the bar. She was doing a Budwiner commercial the next day. All I"m going to say is that she was really drunk, and then-Oh Yeah!" I think you know what happened next.
             After the deed was done, and after the e*p*t test was taken, Abraham booked it all the way to Brittany, France. A little over nine months later, after all was supposedly forgotten, Abraham received a letter. It asked him to go to court and he of course complied. Minimum punishment for ignorance was to be rubbed in a French woman's unnaturally hairy underarm. "Oh my God, you sick little monkey!" so says an Englishman.
             So off to Calais Abraham went. He finally remembered his one-night stand with JuJu, and realized the court was a way for him to take custody of the child. When he finally arrived, he was greeted by hairy French women's rights activists with rat tails, throwing their French hooba-joobas at him. He felt violated, for he believed any man would feel ashamed about participating in bestiality, even if it was with a duck. "I guess these French mofos are different," he thought to himself. Everyone in Europe knew that Abraham was a Middle-Eastern P-I-M-P, so the jury, consisting of mostly men, was jealous. The judge even suspected Abraham of sleeping with his wife. This was not going to be an easy trial to win, considering Jerry Lewis was the prosecution's attorney, and the defense attorney was Jerry Lee Lewis.
             To make a short story even shorter, Abraham lost the trial, and had to take custody of the child.


Essays Related to History of a New Island