Throughout The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton, a love affair between Ellen Oleska and Newland Archer plays out in an unconventional way. If Newland completely wanted and loved Ellen and Ellen completely wanted and loved Newland then why did nothing happen between the two besides a few kisses? Newland of course is married to May, a pure, submissive woman who trusts and believes the high society of New York's elite, which causes Newland some feelings of guilt but not many. It appears that Newland is trying to live to lives and in the process he loses himself entirely, wanting everything and nothing at the same time. Newland Archer wants to be with Ellen but since that is the unconventional thing to do in his society, he stays with May and plays along with their relationship, causing him to never have a complete life.
Early on in chapter nine, Ellen and Newland have a conversation in which Ellen says that she doesn't want to pretend, she wants to be real. "Does no one want to know the truth here, Mr. Archer? The real loneliness is living among all these kind people who only ask one to pretend!" (63). This is extremely significant in this book in that Wharton is commenting on the fact that in this society where status means so much, people must constantly pretend to be joyous all of the time. It seems as though they can never have real feelings, or real conversations, or ask real questions. .
In contrast, Newland understands Ellen's discord with the way that they live in this imaginary world, because he too has pondered it. Later on in the book, however, when you expect Newland to finally become real with himself and everyone around him, particularly May and Ellen, he chooses to do what society expects of him. Of course, Newland does try to be with Ellen, especially when May is not around. When May is in Florida, Newland goes and sees Ellen at the van der Luydens" cottage. When Ellen goes to Washington, Newland tells May he has business there so he can go see her.