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Since an early age, I have never had a level of self-esteem or a positive self-image. I have always done what I felt would result in positive recognition from other people. I valued their opinion more than I valued mine. I used their perception of me and their response to me in order to try to formulate some kind of identity. I remember when I was younger, my family used to always tell me that I was a good writer and that I should write. At the time, I wasn't sure that writing was what I wanted to do. Personally, I didn't even think that I was any good at it. I preferred to spend most of my time reading books, but I began putting most of my time and energy into writing when I saw the recognition that I received as a result of it. .
The second life position is "I"m not okay, you"re not okay". This position often stems from not receiving a lot of encouragement or affection. The most typical scenario deals with a child who is held and played with during infancy because the parent feels it is his or her duty, then once the child reaches the age in which they can crawl all interaction ceases. The child begins to feel that they are not okay because their parents treat them in such a way and in retrospect they view their parents as not being okay for treating them differently. People in this position often manipulate themselves into keeping this position. Even if the parent neglects the child for years and suddenly starts showing them affection at the age of ten, the child will manipulate the situation in an attempt to stay within their comfort zone which is "I"m not okay, you"re not okay" life position.
My cousin Delilah has been on drugs for as long as I could remember. The family would always talk about how she would steal to support her habit and how irresponsible she was. Imagine the family's surprise and anger when she announced that she was expecting her first child. While she was pregnant she seemed to be attempting to change her life around so she could be a doting mother.