Life is filled with lessons that can make or break us. As life goes on, these lessons show up when they are least expected, but often have much to teach us. At the age of 17, I made a tragic mistake that changed my outlook on life. It's extremely difficult to forgive myself for my actions, but I am more than grateful that I made a negative situation, a positive one. When I'm in a depressed state I embrace it, because in the end I know I will become stronger and a lesson learned! .
During the summer of 2014, I was dating a girl by the name of Amber. At the time Amber and I were dating for eight months. Amber was a beautiful young lady, her skin glistened golden under the warming light of the sun. She had dirty blond hair, and crystal blue eyes that were as clear as Cancun waters. That summer I had gone on vacation to North Carolina with my family. When down there I was keeping in contact with a friend by the name of Kathy. Kathy had always had feelings towards me, and I liked that, it made me feel cool. While on vacation I let Kathy get in the way of mine and Ambers relationship by exchanging messages that I considered cheating. When I returned home I couldn't help but to tell Amber what had happen.she deserved to know. After I told Amber what happened, a couple of things transpired leading to some bad fights, which ended in destroying us both emotionally. Blaming myself fully, I went into a tragic state of depression. I was so aggravated with myself, I didn't want to live in my own body. It felt like there was fire in my skin. The thought of forgiving myself didn't exist at all, I was trapped in what I called a "dark hole". My mom wasn't around much because she was with her boyfriend. That was great for me because I didn't have to deal with her knowing I was drinking every night. Nor am I mad at her for not being around, I couldn't be there for her and her boyfriend could.
I knew there had to be more to life than what I was going through, life couldn't be all about hurt and despair.