I always seemed to be a little different than my friends. I could never do just one of anything, especially if it made me feel good. I was obsessed with feeling good and I would do anything to get that feeling. Even when I knew the consequences were going to be horrible. As a teenager I drank alcohol and did drugs, but I never believed that I had a problem. That was the lie that I told myself and everyone around me. That I, didn't have a problem with drugs or alcohol. My friends and family constantly tried to talk me into getting help. I never listened to them because I truly believed my lie.
When I became a young adult and had my first son, my drug and alcohol use diminished. It didn't take long for me to miss the feeling that I got from my use. I started using drugs and alcohol very heavy, it was like I never even stopped. My use caused me to have run ins with the police. I still lied to myself even after being arrested. I told everyone around me that I didn't have a problem, I just had horrible luck. I believed this myself, so that made it easy to convince others. I even went to a few doctors and had them convinced. Eventually my friends and family started avoiding me. I thought oh well they are the ones missing out.
I had my second child and again I slowed my use way down. After my son was born I started using again and it was like I started right where I left off. Again I was arrested many more times. I even served some time in prison. After I was released I started using again. It was the only life I knew. I didn't know how to live my life any other way. My family was baffled about my relapse. I should of learned after everything I had been through. I still told myself the lie that I didn't have a problem. My family didn't know how to handle me anymore. Child protective services quickly got involved and my children went into foster care. I went to rehab to get help. After rehab I lived in a sober house for 6 months.