In August of last year, I lost my youngest brother. I will never forget the sound of my dad's voice the night that I got the call. I was in shock when I heard the upsetting news, almost as if I was in a permanent daze. He was so sad and gloomy as he told me that my brother had died from a minor incident while playing basketball. I don't feel I've ever actually grieved or acknowledged his death until now. .
I had just moved down here in August and only a few weeks after my move, I had received the news. My brother was already gone and there was nothing that I could do to prevent it or stop it from happening. He was the one that I had the strongest bond with out of all my brothers. I am not saying that I chose him over any of my other brothers, just that our bond was different. We always used to listen to music together because it was our favorite thing to do. We both loved watching music videos and trying to imitate the dance moves. We had so many similarities which is why our bond was so strong. I loved being around him and hearing his very high pitched laugh. He always knew just what to say or do just to get my attention. What bothered me the most was not being able to say good-bye.
I wasn't able to attend my brother's funeral because of work and expenses. For weeks, I felt very guilty and depressed because I wasn't able to pay my respects to little brother. Before he had passed I hadn't visited him in 2 years or possibly longer. I kept praying and praying every night for God to help me release all of my emotions so I could move on in peace. As of now I still have yet to do so, I simply keep busy so I don't think about it. I partially blamed myself for not going to see him and checking on his personal health. I went without eating for months without even knowing it. I still wake up every day and feel his presence. It's almost like he is still here with me. I still reminisce on the things we did together when we were younger and it makes me still wish he were here, but I know now he's in the best place ever.