It is not until later that I realize how mean I treat him and that he does not really deserve a son like me. I always think about how if he died, the last thing I would have said to him would have probably been to fuck off. This hurts me inside and I always come to wonder how I can live in this awful display of unthankfulness. .
It was not until I started growing up that I found another thing making me lonely and feeling isolated from the world. Girls. You would not believe how much impact the female gender has had on my life. It always seemed that every girl I truly liked would never like me back, and all the girls that did like me were, well you know, ugly. Sure, people always say "you can't judge a book by its cover." Well, why would you want to even know what was on the inside if you did not even want to look at the cover? Anyway, what I am trying to get at is that my heart is one that has been broken. How many times you ask? You do not want to even know. Every time I would find out my love, or my lust if you want to call it, was not returned by the person I desired, another chip was cracked off my heart. Of course, knowing that I was about as wanted as a killer disease always made me feel like shit. Not one girl has ever liked me for the way I am. I was shocked to find out after months of drooling over this girl at work that she actually liked me back. I thought she was the girl of my dreams. She was tall, beautiful and had the most sweetest voice. But of course, once she got to know me, she hated the way I was always joking around and trying to have fun. She said that "fun to you isn't fun to anyone else." There you have it, I"m an utter failure. Sometimes I wish I was gay because girls are so hard to understand. There is always the shy, innocent girls that get left behind because they would rather go get ice cream on a Friday night than go out to get drunk. There's always those quiet people that actually still like you for the way you are even if you"re absurd like me, but you are never able to consider how beautiful of a person they really are.