He shared dreams of having a family of his own, being the best father he could be, and having unconditional, good, healthy love. I totally fell head over heels and was determined to be that great, saving love. .
The first time he hit me it was such a shock I just couldn't believe it. He immediately cried and showed such great remorse and guilt that I just knew it had to be a fluke. Then he started being much more controlling, jealous, and insecure. Again, instead of sending me running, it made me even more determined to be there, stand by him, and prove my love was unconditional. Having our son at seventeen is when everything really changed. The control and jealousy got out of control, anything and everything would set him off. The occasional slap or shove turned into hitting, choking, and shoving down often and then, within two years it progressed to daily. Once he crossed that line I was so scared of the unknown. I mean I never thought he would raise a hand to me, now he was doing that and much more. What else could he really do? He threatened doing a lot worse if I ever left. By then I was sucked in and so scared and ashamed I thought staying was safer than trying to leave. .
His grandmother and cousin sat me down one day when they got me alone. They made it clear they knew what was going on, and that my son and I deserved better and needed to get out. They reminded me how his mother ended up dead by the time he was six. How old would my son be before it happened to me? I slowly started talking to my family about what was going on. My grandfather showed up a couple days later to pick up my son and me for dinner. He drove straight to the police station, made me press charges, get a restraining order, and move in with them immediately. My nightmare was far from over but it was downgraded to a bad dream of some threats and stalking. I started counseling, group therapy, and used my resources for months, rebuilding my self esteem, life and understanding how I let myself get into that situation.