Sometimes, I just lay on my bed and observe. I'm not very eloquent with my words, but I would like to describe something to you. As I lay here, I listen to Bon Iver and trying to piece together what is undoubtedly a crappy puzzle which I call my life. I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of days ago. Ask me why and I wouldn't be able to give you an answer. I told her that I wasn't in a good mental state. Which I'm not. How could you support someone else when you can't possibly support yourself? How could you even begin to fathom such a possibility? I just couldn't do it and I'm sorry. And like, I honestly don't know what I'm saying right now. My thoughts are all over the place. Scattered almost. Scattered. That's probably the best way to describe this feeling--this life. Every day I wake up and my mind is telling me to be free and to go and live and make my own life. In actuality I leave on the time I'm supposed to and I'm off to school. But there are days that like I like to call "pseudo happy days" by that I mean that those are the days that I like to think that I'm happy. I walk around with a smile. I laugh. I joke. I pretend. But I'm not any different than the rest of you. We've all felt like this. And you know, as they say, you'll get over it. Why? I don't know really. How? I can't answer that. I guess it just magically happens. If that's the case then I wish it would happen to me already. .
Next, I have this amazing friend named Raegan Walters. She's literally one of the few reasons why I try and improve myself. We indirectly met about a year and a half ago at TYI. We texted for about a year until I finally got the chance to actually work with her this summer. I don't know why, but something about her intrigued me. I couldn't put my finger on it. Eventually, I hung out with her more and more. We talked about a lot of things--love, life, our walk with God, etc. we spent most of our time in the chapel where I would play piano and she would listen.