I think of an idea as a wild untamed force that flows freely in the midst of different opportunities, opinions and capabilities. Thinking about an idea and sensing its power feels like standing on the edge of an endless chasm, staring down and not understanding the depth of it. Or is it the feeling that I get when I don't have any ideas in my head? Either way, that sensation can be paralyzing. .
Then, what to do about it? Will it be easier to beat it when I get more experience, when I stare a few more times into the emptiness? This place where you can hardly sense anything that matters. Or will I learn to live with this feeling, until everything is numb? I like to watch and listen to designers talk about their work in the hope to recognize and understand the spark. This spark that lights up the idea carrying the design. I hope to recognize myself in it. But most of all, I hope to recognize myself in my own work –the kind of self that I like, the kind I want to be, and become. What do I need to become? One who isn't afraid of her own ideas? The ideas – they surround me, turn me inside out, upside down, flow from my brain to my hands and want to get out (if I'm lucky). I find it easy to notice an idea from far away, but the closer I get and the deeper I dig, it either takes control of me or it slips out of my hands back into the distance – out of reach. Are the results what drive the feeling of motivation? Or are they just an outcome? Or is it the failure that motivates and teaches me the most?.
Motivated or not, I have this absurd, but strong and specific picture in my mind when it comes to finding an idea. It is an image of moving my hand around in slimy darkness. I try to grasp an idea wearing a dark rubber glove. It blends into the darkness, brushes against the idea, feels its strength and almost grabs it. But it's all so slippery, both the glove and the idea, resulting in the idea slipping back into the darkness.