Sitting in my bedroom, filled with picture frames of memories that my mother and I used to share, with a scent of home sweet home, still I feel lonely and trapped in the web of pain. The only mother I have has brought so much despair and anger throughout my life. The days are happy and full of understanding between us, the nights are painful and frustrating. this one particular night she sits on the couch sipping her wine as she looks at me with disgust and I'm left there standing trying to understand why her disease of alcoholism hurts me in every way. She throws me the most hurtful words and scars me with the ugliest wounds.
I'm sitting on a chair in the kitchen, getting punched in the face. She's yelling that I'm not the kind of daughter she wants me to be. After a few momments she stops and just stares at me waiting to say something. I don't say anything. I just stare deep into her eyes. there were no words to say. She can just tell what I was saying without speaking a word. I walk away and I run upstairs slamming my door. I fall to the ground and cry. I crawl to the nearest mirror ot see what she has left on my face. I stop crying. I think of every way I can kill her. Stuck in my fantasy world I finally come back to reality and realize I don't deserve this. It's her sickness that makes her believe I'm so wrong on how I'm living my life. I got back up from the floor and sat on my bed. I opened up a book and saw a saying this unknow writer wrote to her mother. It fits my experience well and decided to write it to my mother. "A grudge never to let go, for you hurt me in everyway without reason and your authority gives you rights where I must sit back and take the blame, the accusations, because I am not what you want and I never will be, for I am your imperfect daughter". I can forgive my mother, but I can never ever forget the pain and damage she has caused to em and our family.