What is love? Is it something we say everyday to our partner, a certain chemical that goes off in our body that tells us we are in love, or the actions we take everyday to make that special someone feel special? In " What We Talk About When We Talk About Love." each person has a different opinion on what love is and what love should be. In the story, the characters idealizes his/her situation however, Raymond Carver refutes the notion of idealism by unmasking the realities of their lives. Mel and Terry are a couple who are arguing about what love is and what it should not be. Each of them has been in past relationships that have caused them a great deal of pain. Nick and Laura are a newly wed couple who are still on their honeymoon and are very much in love with each other. .
Terry idealizes her relationship with her ex husband throughout the story. Even though her ex husband Ed would beat her and drag her around her living room, Terry disregards the facts of her relationship and is convinced that all of Ed "s actions were because of love. Terri's relationship with her ex husband ended up in disaster; Ed killed himself because he was obsessed with Terri. "He loved me in his own way and he was willing to die for it and he did"(977). Also, Terri tries to explain to her new husband Mel, that he did not love her like her ex husband loved her. . She believes there are two types of loves: the one she has with Mel and the one she had with her ex husband. even if the love she had with Mel was one that almost killed her. She believes that Ed died for his love towards her. In the story Terri's character is somewhat of a romantic who does not see the reality of things.
Mel is more realistic on the notions of love. He disagrees with the way Terri thinks and believes that "real love is nothing less than spiritual love"(977). Mel admits that he is just a beginner in love, and he compares physical love and its impulses attractions to carnal love with its "day to day caring"(980).