TITLE: The Most Magical Place On Earth__________________________.
READER: Sombodey you don"t know________________________.
DATE: ____________________________.
1. Thesis: In your own words, state the writer's main message. The Authors describing the magic he finds in the memory of a rock concerhe has experienced at a young age.
2. Support: What are the minor points that support the main point (the thesis)? The description of awe and The strong personal feelings he emphasizes.
3. Evidence: How is each minor point supported? By his description of the events that take place and the detail of the events chronological order throughout the evening.
4. Organization: How are the minor points organized and ordered?.
cause to effect: The writer explains the cause of his feelings ends with the effect it has on him.
5. Relationships between points: What signal devices are used to make the relationships between points clear? Give examples of transitions at both the paragraph and essay level. Can you suggest ways to make transitions more clear?.
Paragraph level: Is well done.
Essay level:.
Suggestions for transitions: nothing really.
6. Write other comments about the essay (choose from the following):.
7. What are the strengths and/or weaknesses of the draft? The strength is the compelling story .
8. What did you like about the writing? That you can see what it would like at a rock concert.
9. What was the most important thing about the essay? Why was it important? The memories its left him his entire life.
10. What might the writer have explained better or shown us more clearly? .
11. What part stands out for you? Why? The end where he meets the band to receive there autograph.
12. Any other suggestions? I think you have a great essay here that many people can relate to that have been at a concert and I can't think of to much else that would help your essay. Good job.