Assertion rather than aggression, negotiation rather than coercion is the goal. .
The social-learning theory known as "learned helplessness", is the psychological rationale developed to explain why the battered woman becomes a victim in the first place and how the process of victimization is perpetuated to the point of psychological paralysis. Women are systematically taught that their personal worth, survival, and autonomy do not depend on effective and creative responses to life situations, but rather on their physical beauty and appeal to men. They learn that they have no direct control of the circumstances of their lives. Having been trained to be second best, women begin marriage with a psychological disadvantage because marriage in our patriarchal society does not offer equal power to men and women. Power in marriage is also related to economic and social status. Since men more often than women hold higher paying jobs with more status, their occupational prestige gives them decision making powers they can use to engage in physical and psychological one-upmanship. Finally, most men are also superior in physical strength, another source of masculine power and confidence. Cultural conditions, marriage laws, economic realities, and physical inferiority all teach women they have no direct control over their own lives. They are subjected to both parental and institutional conditioning that restricts their alternatives and shelters them from the consequences of any disapproved alternatives.
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One result of learned helplessness can be depression. Another result seems to be a change in the battered woman's perception of the consequences of violence. Living constantly with fear seems to produce an immunity to the seriousness of violence and death. The first step in stopping learned helplessness would be persuading the battered woman to leave the battering relationship or persuade the batterer to leave.